In the days when pigtails were still fashionable and cassette tapes the best way to groove to your choice of music unfettered, I used to believe that all you needed was love. Of course back then one of my cassette tapes was in actual fact the Beatles and I had to be at home by 5PM to do my homework before dinner. Oh the hardship!
The thing adolescent Dana did not understand back then so well, that ex-Mrs Dana now understands, is that love can be complicated and comes in a variety of flavours. Including, that of expectation, demand and even no longer returned. HHmmmppphhh!!
Now, this article is not about my sad love story, nor is it an exercise in exclamation points!!! But it is about this. Tango can be illuminating when it comes to understanding giving and receiving of ourselves in a relationship. Here’s how it works.
Think of it like a conversation.
If I start talking to you, and continue talking to you and you don’t really listen. I can still talk to you. The value of the conversation might be low, but I’d be giving you my energy to express what I had to say, and not receiving anything from you in return. Boohoo. 😦
If instead you listen to me, and kept listening to me. You could still continue to listen to me and you may not be offered an opportunity to say anything in exchange. The value of the listening might be high, but your opportunity to participate in the conversation might be low. In this, you could be giving me your energy for nothing in return. A monologue. Boring!
If, however, I start to talk to you, and you listen to me. If I then notice you listening to me and pause to give you an opportunity to talk. If you talked and then I listened. And this flow of exchange, of listening and speaking, is returned and repeated. Then we have a conversation of value to both. We both experience giving and receiving. Hurray!
Here’s where Tango might be illuminating.
If we do not both experience giving and receiving in Tango, the Tango suffers. Indeed, you may not be able to dance Tango at all!
If we do, however, both participate in the talking and listening, in the open exchange of energy flow between two people, then we both feel respected. It might not be perfect, but we both create an open and flowing conversation where each has an opportunity to contribute and be heard.
This is a co-creation of true authentic Tango. This is harmony in mind, body and spirt!
Now be it love or be it in Tango, aspire to a conversation that allows for an open flow connection. With practice, we can become more melodious, synchronised and even better at it! Of course in Tango, you get the added bonus of having the conversation while being held in someone’s embrace. Sound fair?
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New course to begin in St Kilda shortly – express interest!
Much love and Tango to all,